Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
