: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize