Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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