I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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