my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
