i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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