She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
