and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
