I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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