I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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