I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
