We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
