What did we do last night that was yellow?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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