Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
