I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
