She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
