One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
