U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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