I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
