I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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