We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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