so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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