Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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