I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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