So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
