Will you blow on my dice?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My bed smells like the plague
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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