I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
