Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
