i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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