Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize