Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
