i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
