i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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