I seem to have left my pride at pride
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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