can we get nightvision for the apartment?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
