apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
