you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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