Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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