I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
