First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
