I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
