I'll bet she douches with gravy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
