I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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