Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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