my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You were trust falling into bushes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
