you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
