I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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