Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
