This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
