I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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