Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
