Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
