$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
