Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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