She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
