Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
