Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
