im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize