U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I am mentally ready for anal.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
