First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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