just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We have so much sex to catch up on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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