I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
