In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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