I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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