I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize