I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
