It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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