I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
