i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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