This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
