Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
