well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize