I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
