Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
