I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
