dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
then he tried to convert me to islam
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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