Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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