I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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