The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
