if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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