He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
