your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
