i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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