Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ladies don't puke and tell
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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