You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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