I am puke
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
