the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
