it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
