Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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