You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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