My hand turned me down
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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