okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
