I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
