I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
