im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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