I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
