we need to drink 2009 down the drain
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A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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