DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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