3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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