I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
