i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize