I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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