Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
