Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize